Over the weekend the media has been in a spin about a ‘breakthrough’ to finding a cure for HIV. The fact is we’re still a long way off and there’s still many trials and a lot of research needed before any form of a cure becomes a reality, let alone the logistics of distributing it and at what cost.


Regardless of the facts many people with HIV will have felt jubilation at this news and it wasn’t long for the community to start sharing the story with each other, and some even announced that they wanted to be part of the trials (the trial actually specified enrolment on newly diagnosed). Whilst it’s fantastic to see willingness to perform selfless acts in the effort to end HIV for good we need to be realistic. And we need to be concerned that still so many people want to ‘be cured’ because they’re still feeling ashamed or guilty rather than because of health concerns.


Of course there are many people with HIV who are living with the consequences of decades with the virus, the impact of the early toxic drugs, as well as life’s general wear and tear and ageing with HIV. There are some with health complications and comorbidities who would love an easier life, and one (or more) less pills to take if they no longer had to worry about HIV. But we need to be sensible – even when a cure is found it’s not going to have the restorative properties of the ‘Fountain of Youth’ or eliminate our other conditions.


Finding a cure is about finding acceptance. Too many people with HIV still have low self-esteem, are lacking self-worth and believe they should feel guilty about their status. Society still conditions us to slut shame people who have ‘a lot’ of sex, or to judge people who find themselves dependent on drugs or alcohol. We still have little time for people suffering poor mental health who seek companionship through numerous causal relationships. In 2016 we are still labelling different behaviours ‘lifestyles’ – as though people should be able to change how they act as easily as they change their outfit before going on a night out.


The wish to believe that a cure is within our grasp is to desire an easier life, free from the stigma that the HIV community still face. Whilst I think acceptance of the virus is increasing there are too many uneducated people making inaccurate judgements and statements about those of us living with the virus. And whilst I think we now live in a society that would largely frown on someone taunting someone with HIV in the street you only have to spend five minutes reading the comments on any Daily Mail article about HIV to see that stigma and ignorance about HIV if rife and flourishing online, where trolls remain as hidden and faceless cowards to those they attack.


We shouldn’t be waiting to get to the bottom of a bottle of a miracle cure drug to be accepted. We can live well with HIV, we can have relationships with people without fear of transmission once we are undetectable, and couples can choose to have children if they wish. Experiencing other problems and health concerns can make us stronger and more determined to live. We, those of us living with HIV know this, it’s just a shame that more than 30 years since the virus took hold too many others don’t.

5 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. Denis LeBlanc says:

    Many thanks for this inspiring post. First, of course comes self-acceptance and your blog will assist many to get there.
    I felt compelled to comment to reply to Pink News’ article on this story a few days ago due to their loud headline. Preliminary results based on findings of only 1 patient out of 50 in the trial should not be called a cure. All patients in the trial did receive anti-retrovirals as well as the vaccine and so the undetectable blood finding may well be incidental. My dismay is that LGBT media is still so ignorant of drug trials and what results really mean; I expect better from our media!

  2. Michael says:

    Sorry but your generalising that we all feel the same . I’ve never felt guilt shame embarrassed. Your posts really bug the hell out of me !!

    1. Denis LeBlanc says:

      Hi Michael,
      I think its terrific that you have not felt any stigma due to HIV – you must be living independently in London or another big city and not reading any comments in the Mail or other social media. You are very lucky indeed.
      Mostly, I mostly blocked it out and didn’t care much what people thought of me personally while I was busy dealing with lots of friends who were poorly and died while I stayed well. But what really bugs me are the ignorant comments (not yours) of the ill-informed and of the charlatans in the press and social media that I continue see all too often.

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