Not actually sure where 2012 went, every year I get older the years seem to pass by faster and faster. Blink and you might miss a month… There was a lot of build up to 2012, living in the UK everything was gearing up for the Diamond Jubilee and the London Olympics, even small things in my own life suddenly seemed major because they were happening this year.
I have always known that I wouldn’t be able to keep my HIV status between myself and friends for very long but the one thing stopping me from going public was that I hadn’t told any of my family. This was largely due to other things going on, and not wanting to ‘spoil’ big life milestones we have shared in the past couple of years like my sister’s wedding. January was when I decided I could no longer keep it a secret; I felt my mental health was being compromised from keeping something this important from them. I had to tell them at various times as we all live separately and all over England but I received a lot of support from my parents, my sister and her husband and couldn’t have hoped for a better reaction.
The remainder of the first six months of the year seem to be a blur, reached the two years in my relationship with my boyfriend, went on a skiing holiday for the first time (and by some form of miracle returned without the aid of crutches or a wheelchair) and in June I got to go to Buckingham Palace to celebrate the Jubilee, the picnic was yummy and the concert was amazing! Summer was rounded off with the glum feeling that it hadn’t really started seeing as we’ve had such atrocious weather this year. All this time HIV remained a background thought, the meds as usual just part of my daily routine. A few differences here and there: noticing the family asking if I am feeling ok more often, but they soon realised I was as fine as I said I had felt when the year begun.
It’s been the past eight weeks that have been the biggest for me. Deciding rather quickly before my diagnosis anniversary that this would be the time I would disclose my HIV status to everyone. I knew I was ready to do it but hadn’t really given it much thought as to how or if I should discuss it with anyone first. I know my boyfriend and family were worried about the outcome but in the end I thought if anyone had an issue with it then they were probably not worth worrying about anyway. The people I love the most didn’t give a toss and that’s all that mattered to me. With it being so recent and fresh in my mind I could detail a lot of the goings on in precise detail but that’s the point of this blog, I started it as a result of being open about my HIV status and the compulsion to openly talk about HIV from my own personal perspective and I don’t want to bore everyone by repeating myself!
It’s been a rollercoaster eight weeks, a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders, and I feel like I am truly myself again. It’s mad to think this journey has only just begun but I can’t wait to see what 2013 brings. I don’t remember what New Year’s Resolutions I made for 2012 but I am starting to think about what I might like to achieve over the next twelve months but they’ll be more words about that on New Year’s Day!
Thank you 2012, you have been a remarkable year and lived up to my expectations, I definitely won’t forget you.